The Moth

As I suspected, this week was not incredibly memorable. So, I will start with a brief description of my roommates and what life is like at Raintree. Alec (Elder’s Quorum President) and Mitch (1st counselor) served in the same mission and were companions that really got along and had great success. They became best friends and are now roommates and both teachers at the MTC. They are both really cool, but they aren’t around a lot. A possible reason is that they are both engaged and getting married in the next month or so. Mitch’s younger brother has been staying at my apartment this past week for BYU football and he is a good guy—it has been fun getting to know him. My other roommate is Alex and he is a really nice guy who has been really friendly and helpful, helping to show me around church and then helping me find my way to ward prayer. All in all they are all really friendly and nice and I’m privileged to have such good roommates.

As for life at Raintree, I’m finding it a lot more…liberal…than Wyview. It doesn’t seem as if the students here care as much about the rules as those at Wyview. My roommates have had people stay over past curfew without my permission, fireworks go off every night, etc. (I should have taken it as a sign when I first entered the apartment and there was a large cardboard cutout of President Obama). I have been learning to deal with these few minor issues. The hardest part of the whole experience is that my roommates don’t seem to like A/C so the apartment is always unbearably hot and my bed is uncomfortable, making it difficult to get a good night’s sleep. But, I have been learning to adjust and things are getting better each day. My ward seems like a lot of fun—there aren’t that many people in the ward. I have enjoyed many of the talks and lessons that I have heard both Sundays I have attended, including lessons from both Alec and Mitch in Elder’s quorum.

Kind of a funny story is that I woke up on Sunday morning and Mitch was on his way out the door. He asked me if I knew where the church was and I said I had no idea. So he proceeded to give me rough directions to the church building. I expected that the church building would be close and easy to find, so I didn’t pay as much attention to his directions as I should have. So, as I was driving, I quickly found myself lost. But, I struggled to remember Mitch’s directions and was able to find my way there (surprised to travel past University Mall since I didn’t realize it would be that far). The only problem was that there are two church buildings in that parking lot, so I wasn’t sure which was the right building. So I kept going back and forth between buildings for some clue as to which was the right ward. My first clue was when I saw only couples with young children going into one building—I figured my ward must be in the other building. Luckily, as I was going down the hall of that building, Alec was walking in the other direction and told me where the chapel was where my ward meets.

Besides that, this week has been mainly focused on work. I am learning what it’s like to work full time and it was a little difficult to adjust to. But, I feel that I’m now getting the hang of it and I’m starting to actually enjoy my schedule. This is my schedule: I get up at 6:00am, leave my apartment at 7:30am and walk to work (in order to get some exercise) and then I work until my lunch break at noon where I eat lunch (shocking, I know) and read a couple chapters out of the current book I’m reading. Then I go back to work until 5 and then walk home. It isn’t too terribly exciting, but I’m learning to enjoy parts of it (like listening to a great album during my walk to work and back and being able to read my book).

Speaking of great albums, one came out this week! It is called Black Clouds and Silver Linings and it is by Dream Theater—one of my all time favorite bands. This is one of the best albums they have created, I love every bit of it, and it has been awesome getting into this week. I broke my walking habit on Tuesday, and actually drove my car to work so that I could go and purchase this CD during my break. I was smiling as I drove back to work, playing the CD loud in my car. It was a great moment of the week. I’m so excited because I get to see them live at the end of August, and I’m hoping they will play some songs from this album.

Besides my regular schedule, nothing else terribly interesting happened. I got to watch a great movie with Kevin called Big Fish. I love that movie a lot and I was very pleased that Kevin enjoyed it as well. It is important for me to be able to have these little breaks throughout the week in order to do something fun, so I was grateful for that chance to hang out with Kevin.

I guess I’ll end this post with the most meaningful part of my week, which is what happened yesterday (Sunday). I learned two things in Sacrament meeting that I really needed to learn: Hope and Humility. I believe these are two things I truly need to work on and I’m going to focus on them for the next few weeks. I am often pessimistic and think the worst will happen in every situation. I also tend to get depressed about the flaws that I have and think that there isn’t any possible way I can overcome them. If I have hope, I can conquer these negative feelings and be able to improve and think of things in a more positive light. Regarding humility, I am prideful because I’m constantly concerned about what people think about me and I often don’t do things that I should because I’m afraid I’ll embarrass myself in some way. I need to not be this way, and stop caring so much about what other people think of me, and worry more about how I think about myself and if I am doing what God wants me to do.

I also had a talk with my roommate and Elder’s quorum president and decided as I talked to him that I need to be more consistent regarding scripture study and prayer. So, I am challenging myself to have meaningful scripture study every day (I’ve decided to do this as soon as I get home from work) and to pray every morning and night. I think that this will help me feel the influence of the Spirit more throughout my day and week, which is something I’ve desperately needed. I really want to change, and I know it is going to be a struggle at times when I want to do something else rather than completing my goal, but overcoming the temptations will make me that much stronger.

This brings to mind a quote from an episode of Lost that I watched last night. The episode was called “The Moth” and it is one of my all time favorite episodes. In the episode Charlie is attempting to quit his drug habit with the assistance of a man named John Locke. Locke takes Charlie’s drugs away, but the withdrawal symptoms are too much for Charlie, so he comes to Locke to ask for his drugs back. Locke refuses and says that he’ll give them back only after Charlie asks for them back for a third time. Charlie comes back a second time, his withdrawal symptoms getting worse and Locke takes the opportunity to teach Charlie a valuable lesson by using an example of a moth. Here are the exact words from the episode that Locke says (since they do a better job of explaining it than I ever could):

“That's a moth cocoon. It's ironic, butterflies get all the attention; but moths -- they spin silk, they're stronger, they're faster…You see this little hole? This moth's just about to emerge. It's in there right now, struggling. It's digging its way through the thick hide of the cocoon. Now, I could help it, take my knife, gently widen the opening, and the moth would be free. But it would be too weak to survive. The struggle is nature's way of strengthening it.”

This is exactly how I feel right now about my new goals. It may be a struggle at times, but the struggle will be a way of strengthening me so that I am stronger the next time I am faced with a trial or goal. Charlie is able to take this message to heart and ends up asking for the drugs a third time in order to throw them in the fire. His struggle with drug addiction has been difficult, but being able to overcome it makes him a stronger person. I hope that in a month or so I’ll be able to be a stronger person as well, made strong by struggling to complete a goal and succeeding.